Start Over. And...Begin (Part 2)
The ceremony was at a park on the other side of the lake. The groomsmen and I were getting ready in a beautiful house belonging to a friend. Or a friend of a friend. Come to think of it, I’m not really sure who owns this house. I’ve been kind of distracted during this whole process and Debbie has taken care of all the details.
“You look good, dude. Well, the tux looks good. You still look like you lost a fight to an ugly stick.”
My best man, Tim.
“Thanks, man.”
“I’ve never seen you this nervous.”
“Well, I’ve never gotten married before.”
“Well, lighten up and enjoy it.”
I laugh and punch him in the arm.
“That light enough for you?”
I hop in Tim’s car and we start to make our way down the windy road that traces the lake. It’s just him and I in the car. He’s driving. I’m staring out the window at the sun’s reflection on the water until my eyes hurt. *blink*
“I can’t stop thinking about, Taliya.”
I hear Tim tighten his grip on the steering wheel as well as hear him open his mouth, close it, open it up again.
“Your fiance’s name isn’t Taliya. That isn’t who you should be thinking about right now.”
“You don’t think I know that?”
“Then why did you just say that to me. What do you want me to say to that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Dan, you’re happy with Debbie. I’ve known you for a long time. I’ve known a lot of the girls you’ve dated. You’re making a good decision today.”
“You’re right. Forget I said anything.”
The ceremony went off without a hitch. Debbie looked amazing in her dress. I smiled for all of the pictures.
I threw up three times in the bathroom between the dinner and the dance.
Marriage is forever. This was something I believed deeply. I meant what I said when I vowed “til death do us part.” I’m in it for the long haul, I’m fully committed.
But part of me still thinks of Taliya. Part of me still thinks, “What if it had worked out?”
All of me is mourning the death of the future I had truly hoped for.
Only part of me is celebrating the future I got.